A few years into my marriage, I discovered I was allergic to two of the oddest things – flaxseed and eggplant. At the time, my husband’s Air Force career took us to Germany, and while we loved traveling to as many countries in Europe as possible, I developed an inner fear.
What if I have an allergic reaction in a foreign country and we don’t speak the language?
How will I get help? What will I do?
I learned the phrase, “I am allergic to flax and eggplant,” in as many languages as I could. You might think – Well, those foods sound easy enough to avoid. In English-speaking countries, that is correct, but some countries use eggplant more prevalently, and in Greece, eggplant is like chicken!
Despite my best efforts to avoid and “self-protect”, I had two encounters that seemed to confirm my fear. In Iceland, I accidentally ate flaxseed, and while in Scotland, I accidentally ordered a pizza with eggplant. I swiftly took my Benadryl and awaited further doom. But more dangerous than the flaxseed and eggplant was when I started believing the deeper lie that the devil was feeding my mind –
“Bonnie, you are not safe. You must protect yourself.”
I listened to that lie over and over in my mind. I played with it, reasoned with it, and eventually, I took it in as my own thought and my belief. The seed of that lie grew over time into fear, anxiety, and panic attacks. It was around this time in my life that I truly began to seek the Lord with tears and desperation. I read my Bible and began to see the loving heart of Jesus as He healed people in the New Testament, and accounts of David in the Psalms, singing of his personal victories laced with God’s provision and faithfulness. This encouraged my faith to grow so that I, too, could rely on God to keep me safe and provide for me. But growth must be challenged and tested to get deeper roots of stability, and mine was around the corner.
It is very common for military family members to buy Polish Pottery when living in Germany, and perhaps go on a tour bus to travel to Poland to buy lots of pottery, straight from the warehouse where the price is the lowest. My husband did not need a tour bus, he geared up my family to drive to the small town of Bolesławiec, Poland, on our own.
Riding in the car, I began to feel tense as I noticed the barren landscape. Grey skies, solemn dirt, and brown grass were our surroundings on that little road.
Where was everyone? Where were all the people?
I was in the middle of nowhere Poland! I thought if I had an allergice reaction out here, it wouldn’t be pretty.
My false security and self-protection to cope at this point was founded in two things:
1) My ability to know the language in case I had an allergic reaction and needed to converse with medical staff, and
2) My knowledge of where the nearest hospitals were located.
I learned certain phrases in Polish for the trip, but as for finding nearby hospitals? That was not an option, where we were. The land seemed bare of buildings, people, and help for a woman who didn’t feel safe.
I had begun praying more than ever and speaking Bible scriptures to combat this fear, but I had also not learned what resting in God’s care actually looked like. I still felt like a wreck inside.
But despite my fear, I saw God’s loving hand of provision reach out to me.
As we pulled up to a Polish restaurant (with no other building in site), I saw an Ambulance vehicle in the parking lot. The Paramedics were eating at that same restaurant in the middle of nowhere. I immediately knew that if I ate something I shouldn’t have, help was right there. Comfort came over me as I smiled and melted inside. I could see that even though I had some faith that God would care for me, His love was bigger than my doubts and fear. His love overcame me, and I felt as if He was saying,
“I will take care of you, and I am here. No matter where you go, I am there with you.”
In fact, Deuteronomy 31:8 says,
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
That day, I learned that no matter where I go, God is there. He had his loving eye on me to care for me and comfort me. He can do the same for you.
Learning to trust God for your care happens in baby steps. Your faith in God’s care is much more about His goodness and faithfulness than what you can do in the natural. I never ended up needing the help of the Paramedics at all. I ate my yummy Pierogi with no issues, but I also recognized God’s gesture of the Paramedics being there. God reached out in love and winked at me – I got you!
As you begin to take small steps to trust God in your life, be assured that He loves you through each step, no matter how sloppy it feels.
Philippians 1:6 says,
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”
He will be tender with you and His love will bring you courage to take another step. Imagine a child walking to a parent – when they fall, the parent says, “That’s okay. Stand up, come on.” And they say it all with a smile. So does your heavenly Father God.
To do: Take a moment to thank God for the love He gives you as you walk through things that are scary or difficult. Praise Him for the baby steps, and thank Him for all the times He has reached out in comfort to you. Remember, we are all growing. God loves you!
